Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
