Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
