What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
