A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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