I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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