Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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