Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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