I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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