So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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