You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
