He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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