Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You took a bar mat shot.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
