He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
