I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
