my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
