Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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