A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
