You smell like a Billy Joel song
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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