i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
