Someone shit on the floor
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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