he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize