# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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