Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
