Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i now understand why vodka
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
