new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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