I didn't shave. On purpose
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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