I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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