i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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