i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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