Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
