My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
