he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
