this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
