Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
