Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
soo... how was my night?
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