Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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