In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
