My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
