Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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