hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Oh god it's open bar.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
