I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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