that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
