Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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