My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You left your phone here
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