I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
