Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
