at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
