I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i dont even know how to be here
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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