And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
