Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
no you cant smoke seaweed
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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