upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
