I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
