What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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