dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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