im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
