i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
