Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
