It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
