so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
