I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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