During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
