i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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