You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
