I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
