M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
