Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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