I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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