i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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