What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
