actually, I'm a sock model
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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