fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
