The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my sisters under your porch take her home
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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