We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize