Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
